having too vivid imagination is my downfall.

so many times i've played out different interactions, dreams, ideas, conversations in my head ... leaving myself well-rehearsed for an unlived life.

why do i feel the need to have everything perfectly figured out in my head before taking a leap? i've always been like that. i'm terrible at improvisation. but once i've practiced and practiced and gotten it right, i feel a thousand times more sure of myself. i like having control of what happens, knowing that i'm in the driver's seat.

but, then... surprises and unexpected events are what make a life. and how you process them, gracefully or otherwise, shapes the outcomes.

if i keep imagining my life how i think it ought to be, i'm going to miss it completely. if i let my issues flatten me on the sidewalk time and time again, i'm never going to rise above them. if i wallow in this place which makes me a victim, i'm never going to be happy. and i'm sick to death of being a victim.

rehearsing unrehearsed realities.
looking for mischief and sexy subtleties.
putting on a knowing smile.
and you better believe
i won't be back for a while.