Sunday, December 21, 2008

This letter preceded a collection of writings through my past (they can be found under The Familia link).  A Christmas gift, I chose pieces from different points in my recent journeys, pieces that I think this person might appreciate more than some.  My intent--to let her in a little more.  I just hope she receives them the way I think she will.

Consider this another (or the first official) letter of my Letter Project!!

Saturday, December 20th, 2008

________,

When I picked your name last year, I was ecstatic. Not just because I thought shopping for you would be easy, but because I figured I could take the opportunity to thank you for everything you’ve done for me and my family since you entered our lives. But as I began thinking about what I could get you to show such profound gratitude, I came up empty.

There really are no physical things to say thank you from the heart. Finding an object to give as a gift, however beautiful or thoughtful, does not truly accomplish the task. The thing is, there really are no words to portray this feeling, either. And it is here that I stumble on a paradox, the paradox, in fact, of my life.

As an artist, a dancer, a writer, a poet, a teacher, a student of life, I am constantly trying to find a way to experience and express the inexpressible. I go through each experience in real time and then in dreamtime. I analyze and cry and think and laugh and feel my way through the stepping-stones of my life. Sometimes I make things more complicated than they need to be. Sometimes I find a way to see each piece of my puzzle, good and bad, in a new and more meaningful way. Sometimes I realize I need this part of me to survive—I need to dive into the ephemeral energy, the enigmatic space, and I need to flit, or trudge, my way out of it.

And I have done this for as long as I can remember.

When you came into our lives, I was doing just that. In fact, I have been doing just that for the past four years. Who am I kidding? I will probably be doing this for as long as I live. But what I want to share with you is a slice of that journey. I have been working my way into adulthood, and I’d like you to see some of it.

Why? Because you have always inspired me. You have never judged me. You have never made me feel like I had to be a perfect person. You have accepted me as I am and have encouraged me to grow into the woman I know I can be. When we spend time together, I am invigorated. When I am down, you know how to help me. You have selflessly thrown yourself into the morass of our family. You have helped me see that I am stronger and more forgiving than I think I am. For all of this and so much more, I will say the words that never seem to say enough: thank you.

Here are a few more: Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Peace Be With You. And most importantly, I love you.

No comments: