where are the days of bike riding until i couldn't see,
of rolling down hills?
of evading space alien invasions,
stealing back my dinosaur egg,
eating mr. frak's rubarb,
and sneaking through the hawk lady's fence?

where are the days i spent shaking the house down,
busting my rhythm nation moves?

where are the twins that only i could tell apart?
little mikey who loved playing street hockey?
the tree i ran away to?
the boy i kissed under his front porch?
and that kid chris who always pooped his pants?

where are those moments when i felt strong
and powerful
and alive?

when do i get to be that girl again?
where did i lose her?
when do i begin to make sense again?

This might be a problem.

LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 23)
Drinking style: "I'm just a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's just that
I'm so damn social." Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and
relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Friend
device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little
instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they
are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get
them into all sorts of trouble -- including wearing their wobbly boots
waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with their best friend's beau or
even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!


noooooooo i wouldn't do a thing like that.

i don't drink either.

i'm an angel.

what is it that makes me so goddamned intimidating?!?!?!?! i'm so SICK of my happiness being prevented simply because of who i am. i'm sooooo NOT SORRY that you can't handle me. i'm done apologizing for the nothings i did wrong. stop being mean and insecure and unstable. love yourself, because you deserve at least that. and then stop hating on anyone who is stronger than you.

or maybe i'm just worried about me.

i've been incubating...

... and now it's time to spill.

I'm utterly frustrated with myself and us and this THING we are doing, whatever it is. I thought we were all interested and I thought we were all going to go for it... but for some reason I'm not really believing it this time. Maybe it was the last visit; it seemed strange. I don't know if things have changed with anyone else, but I still want to attempt this.

I want to build a life around art, creation, and family.

But I'm terrified. I'm scared we're all going to get settled in our own lives and leave this to wither away. I don't want to get stuck in something I think I should be doing and never do what I've envisioned. Even if it fails. If it falls on it's ass, so what. At least we will have tried.

Though I'm not convinced we're even going to do that anymore. And it makes my stomach churn.

Talking the big talk is a bug I think we've caught. Please, please, somebody tell me I'm wrong.

Rowan Tree (Sensitivity) -- full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even
complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, extremely generous, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

sometimes i'm amazed at how accurate these silly little astrological-type evaluations can be. good and bad, this is me.

no apologies.