growing up

i'm in a perpetual catch-22 that is growing up. i'm doing what is responsible. i have a good job and i'm going to start earning money, diligently participating in the economic machine. somewhere inside me, though, lives a knot of concern, because if adventure and creativity and dreams dissolve with the acquisition of security, i'm not sure i want it. if i ever lose magic, i will certainly fade away. so, here i am: intangible and uncertain, trying not to dissolve into mediocrity.


i want to meet people who are real and truthful and brave. where are they?

it's list time.

Things I've accomplished this fall--
-started working as a full-time English teacher
-helped start and advise a ballroom dancing club
-finally (kind of) quit teaching dance at my high school studio
-blew my engine due to neglect
-spent an entire month carpooling with mom while it was repaired
-almost lost my mind during that time
-paid for and received a new engine, and other such things
-didn't lose mind
-developed good (beginnings of) friendships in the English Department
-drank too much
-started to learn how not to and what causes my emotional drinking
-started (truly) avoiding social situations from my past that i knew would be unhealthy
-decided that i WILL be moving out of my parents' house within the next year
-and actually told them that
-went to a drama workshop with a colleague
-started helping with the drama club at school
-replied calmly and maturely to a jealous girlfriend's email
-put some space between myself and said jealous girlfriend's beax
-realized that i am still a procrastinator at heart
-and that i will have to adjust my professional responsibilities, or rather, my dealings with my professional responsibilities accordingly
-and i made it to the winter break!!

Things I'd like to do on my week off...
-write write write (let's say for at least an hour each day)
-CORRECT all my kids' papers and projects
-read read read (mostly the things i need to teach in January, but also something just for me)
-begin work on mid-term and final exams
-play with and walk dogs every day
-book club
-visit with vanessa
-visit grandpa at least twice
-and i'll leave it at that... knowing full well that the writing of the list does not guarantee a thing, it just presents a hope.

i'm living. surviving. good and bad. and i guess that's all one can ask for.

right?